“I’m a sucker for blue eyes… they remind me of the ocean and how lost I can get in something much bigger than I”
A first crush is often our first taste of “love/infatuation” and then the sharp sting of pain/rejection. It typically never works out. Let’s face it, we have our first crushes very young and what do we know about affairs of the heart at tender ages. I find it oh so amusing when 8-9 yr old’s tell their parents they are in relationships and it’s “serious.”
I was in 4th or 5th grade, not sure on the year. His name was Josh. I seem to have an affinity for dating guys with J names or falling head over heels for them. Their either angels or demons. Their is no gray zone.
Anyhow… he was like a cardboard cut out of a Gap kid. Cute, dressed very nice, had darker blonde hair that was tousled in a way only a guy like him could pull off, and his eyes. They were electric blue. I couldn’t help but stare at him, and when he looked at you, he really looked at you.
He was “popular” because of how he was. All the girls liked him, naturally. He had a way of making even the most invisible wallflower feel visible. It was one of the many reasons I liked him. He wasn’t cruel, a bully, or snide. He just was. In a way he was like gravity. Because he was so likeable, everyone flocked around him or found themselves drawn to him. Since I was on the quieter side of social spectrums even in my younger years; I watched him from a distance. We would cross paths and he would be nice to me, but we didn’t talk or mingle during recess or lunch. He made me nervous because I liked him.
Looking back, it was probably very obvious to him that I had a crush. Most of my grade and maybe a few others did too. He never treated me differently because of it. Even though I started becoming a social pariah around this time.
I think he ended up moving and into a different school district. I didn’t seem him after that initial first year, and then I was put into a god awful Lutheran school for 2yrs before being put back into a public school for the remainder of my education. I look back on him fondly. I was very young, and feelings like that were foreign, new, and sometimes difficult to understand.
It was a slice of my life where I felt seen, and not as this hideous wallflower, but just as girl who had a crush on a beautiful blue-eyed boy.
Paradiso 