I started this blog to well, “get my writing out there.” It will be a mosh-up of thoughts, stories, journals, poetry, and just daily peeps into my life. Whatever I care to share. I am not starting this to compete for the most followers or likes or to make a living off of it… that’s what my job is for.
The followers that I do get, AMAZING and thank you 🙂 I just want to write and see what feedback I get. Paradiso will be unique, like me.
I hate morning rituals. I hate mornings. I’m not a morning person. If my phone wasn’t my alarm; I’d break it. My iPad is my back-up in case I turn my phone alarm off. My aunt is a morning person… she’s up at like 4am. Role reversal, she wakes up the rooster.
So I get up, let my dog out, feed her and my squeaking cat. Take a shower… all my girlie routines I won’t get into on this post. Make sure I have everything I need for work… TV dinner for lunch, phone, headphones, keys, lip balm, meds, etc… My aunt and I carpool to work since we’re 5min away from each other and work in the same place, so one week she drives, the other week I drive. It saves A LOT on gas. Like this week, she’ll be driving so when she texts “on the way,” I know, despite her being only 5min away, it’ll take her 10-15min to get here. I drive like Dale Earnhardt, she’s Miss Daisy.
Once I get to work and get settled in, everyone needs to let me be until that coffee gets into my bloodstream and marinates for like an hour. Let me wake-up in peace with my cream and sugar, toaster strudel, and first hour of silence in the office… and don’t say a word to me. If I get off on the wrong toe in the AM, the whole day be CANCELLED.
I used to be a massive pushover when it came to obstacles in front of my goals, or my tumultuous family life blocking my dreams. As I got older I flat out refused to let anything get in the way. So when something is standing in my path; I bulldoze it down.
I say no to financial troubles, as there is always to fix it. I say no to drama (more to the point; I say hell no.) I say no to people that distract me from my goals. I say no to negativity. I say no to anything that pulls my focus from what I want.
Everyone’s got a little bit of a sixth sense. Some are just more aware of it than others. I’m naturally empathic… very in tune to emotions, vibes, feelings around me. Too in tune sometimes. It gets extra spicy when I start absorbing/pulling from strong emotions around me. Add being Bipolar to the mix, where you’re emotions/moods are always in flux, it’s all kinds of fun times.
If I had to choose; I would be a telepath. While reading emotions can provide a lot of insight, it doesn’t quite measure up to knowing what someone is thinking. A lot of people have said, “what a burden that would be, constantly hearing thoughts all day; I’d rather be invisible or have the power of flight.” Sure, it would be difficult to suss through all those voices, but if you learn to focus…
Sure there might be ulterior motives to me wanting to read minds, like getting dirt on a good for nothing coworker, or trying to understand why another coworker has this pathological need for attention 24/7. Honestly, any kind of ability to that magnitude is gonna make you want to abuse it in some sort of way. I personally think it would amplify what is already there, and help me understand people past their emotions.
People, well let’s narrow it down to a lot of people, don’t know when to not engage. They are so willing to throw shade at someone over a simple opinion about something. I once was attacked by some troll for commenting on a FB post how much I liked the new Star Wars movies. This man didn’t even know me, but he brutally went in for a throw down like it was no one’s business. I’m not proud of my responses either… there might’ve been a, “you’re mama’s a hoe,” in there somewhere. It escalated to the point where I got so malicious he finally backed down, probably to seek someone weaker to have for breakfast. Mother didn’t raise no wuss.
Technology makes it too easy for people to just let it be. So they don’t understand when to… how do I say this politely?? When to keep their traps shut. They can’t just see something and scroll past it. Don’t engage… but oh I have to; I have to stomp all over this person I don’t know a thing about and make them feel like a dumpster fire for commenting on a video about puppies. It’s not much better in the real world either… people are much bolder with disrespecting others, law enforcement, businesses, etc…
There are times when you should engage. I won’t say stand on the sidelines and let your a** get kicked or rights taken away. There is a line though, and unfortunately, most don’t understand where it is or choose not to tow it.
There’s something exciting about when a thunderstorm starts to roll in. The breezes pick up, my wind chime jingles, dark clouds gather in the distance, and I feel a calling crackle in my veins. A distant rumble tells me it isn’t far away, and I feel a few raindrops hit my skin… cool and silky.
Then comes the rain, soft at first, then like a freight train it hits hard and fast. Thunder and lightning ripple across the sky, sometimes so furious it makes my windows shake.
I love thunderstorms, or just stormy weather in general. It awakens my inspiration and provides an odd sense of comfort. Maybe cause at the core of my soul; I myself am a storm.
Resilience has always been my strongest trait. It has carried me through many trials and pains. I have never broken under the weight of my abuse and suffering because I am resilient… and perhaps because I am too stubborn to admit defeat.
To be resilient is to bounce back, recover quickly and display a certain amount of toughness. If I were not resilient I would not have survived my childhood, teen years, nor would I have made it past 20. I’d like to think that some of us are just born to be strong, tough, unbreakable, etc…
Maybe the universe decides that some are born with steel and grit in their bones… meant to live harder lives than others. This one… this one will be resilient, she will walk a path different than the others will…
While this may not seem like a compliment, like the standard ones, “you’re pretty, you have beautiful eyes… and let’s not leave this gem out, “your body is bangin.” Being called an “old soul” made me feel very special in a way that’s hard to describe.
By definition, an old soul is someone who feels older than their age reflects. However, they possess higher intelligence, empathy, intuition, and a keen insight into the human condition. Yes; I did quote that from Google, in case you were wondering 🙂 The first time it was ever said to me was by some friends of mine, who also called me a “paradox.” They are of higher intelligence themselves, which means their opinions of others hold more weight than that of some stranger on the street or some internet troll.
To me… it has been the best compliment received. I don’t typically pay attention to compliments, and most of the time they go unnoticed.
This can’t be a serious question for me. What makes you anxious?
Really? That question makes me anxious. If there was a test for who was most anxious; I’d win. Unless it was a college student who didn’t study the night before for Finals, then maybe I might have some competition. I live in a state of constant anxiety, from simple things like crowds and people standing/sitting behind me, all the way to extremes to whether or not if this is the headache that might be a brain bleed that will kill me in my sleep tonight.
There isn’t enough medication or tranquilizers in the world to calm me down. I worry about things that have happened, might happen, might have happened, may never happen, and aren’t even in the realm of possibility of happening. The best way to dial up my anxiety? Leave me alone with my thoughts when I’m worked up. I’ll tell you how the world is going to end in less than an hour.
Reading has always been an escape for me. A book becomes an entire world for me, where I can create an entire world in my head, color it to my tastes, give characters breath, and only the sky is the limit. However, while many say they lose themselves in books, and maybe even I have this exact same terminology at certain points… it really isn’t how it is anymore. I feel like when I read, write, or travel; I’m reconnecting with some inner part of myself I’ve lost touch with for a very long time.
When I went on my cruise to the Bahamas… and we dropped anchor in Princess Cays; I spent all day on that island. Cool water, soft sand, and sitting in the hot sun… it was the most peaceful I’ve probably felt in my entire life. I barely noticed that the other passengers were around me. It was like I was connecting with my inner Zen or something.
I also don’t much prefer the term “losing yourself.” It presents me with the illusion of no control over my actions, and yes I’m aware I posted about control being an illusion… but we do have some control over our own actions. Otherwise manners and behavior would not exist. Not that I am not saying it’s a bad thing to lose one’s self in an activity that brings them pleasure or peace. Everyone is different. I like to consider it “connecting” because I feel very much in the moment when doing something I enjoy greatly.
So whether it be reading, writing, traveling, listening to music, dancing around in my room, or just going for a drive… I am very much in the moment.
Let’s see… the big ones would be The Vampire Diaries (including the spin-offs) Friends, The Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, The Bold Type, Dynasty (the remake) Lucifer, and Wednesday. There are a few more but if I put a complete list it would go on FOREVER. These are just the TV series that I have watched more than 5+ times.
Movies… Burlesque, Saint, Little Italy, The Mummy, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (1&2) Knight and Day, Twister, Nerve, Star Wars-The Force Awakens, Star Wars-The Last Jedi, Star Wars-The Rise of Skywalker, Stardust, Holidate, Easy A, Never Cry Werewolf, Love Hard, Vampire Academy, Mortal Instruments, and many many more!
I still filter in new shows to keep things fresh instead of rewatching the same things over and over. Problem is a lot of the shows I start to like get cancelled after just one or two seasons which is real bummer. Plus originality is lacking in a lot of new shows and movies these days… it feels like they pull from existing movies and shows and just redo it in a different way.