I’m Not Weird… I’m Special

Photo by Yan Krukov on Pexels.com

Divulging aspects of my anxiety is hard for me, as is dealing with it. I have found that dealing with a rather “quirky” aspect in particular has brought me quite a lot of strife in my years.

I can’t use public restrooms. Like at all. Now you can imagine how this can be a problem in other aspects of my life… like with me being employed, drug tests were a nightmare. When I travel; I basically can’t go until I reach the destination. Thankfully my job has one stall bathrooms, but I don’t run into such luck at other places. If someone else is in a bathroom with me, or I feel pressured? No dice.

It is a puzzling situation. Also I recently discovered it is a part of the social anxiety family. It is also called Paruresis or “Shy Bladder Syndrome.” I’ve had it ever since I was child, and despite my mother telling me to just “get over myself,” it has stuck to me like unwanted tar and feathers. From being on anxiety medication, to therapy, to meditation, from forcing myself… nothing works. I believe it to be a lifetime curse. Maybe some people can overcome it? I can’t. My PCP tells me it’s more common than I believed it to be… still not sure if I believe this or not. I’ve never encountered a similar individual.

I have a big trip coming up in June. I leave for PA on the 23rd and return the 27th. While I love to fly and move around the airports… I also know what it means. Minor torture till I get where I’m going. I wish there was a simple solution for a problem like this, but it’s like an “up in your head type thing.” Since my anxiety is so strong, my body literally can’t calm down enough to just do what it needs to do.

I try and always tell myself; I’m not weird, I’m special. It’s just sometimes the issues I carry with me don’t feel very “special.”

Photo by Ben Mack on Pexels.com

Published by silversky87

34yrs old, avid reader and aspiring writer. I believe the fire of inspiration can take us to unknown and magical places. I’m a dreamer... Also been through some tough stuff, don’t underestimate me nor bet against me!

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